I’ve been thinking about all the cigarettes I smoke lately:
–The Victory Cigarette
–The Poor-Me Cigarette
–The Get-Me-the-Fuck-Out-of-Here Cigarette
–The I’m-Getting-Drunk Cigarette
–The Pensive Cigarette
–The I-Need-A-Break Cigarette
–The Airport Cigarette
–The I’m-Smoking-Inappropriately Cigarette
–The First-Cup-of-Coffee Cigarette
–The “Finally” Cigarette
–The Sex Cigarette
–The Getting-to-Know-You Cigarette
–The After-A-Meal Cigarette
–The Interrupted Cigarette
–The Chain-Smoking Cigarette
–The Bummed Cigarette
I’m not sure which one is the best. I know some of them feel pretty lousy, though– that’s for sure.
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Tags: David Sedaris
The bored one.
The lonely one.
The revenge one.
The last one.
The Intermittent One
The Undeserved One
The Butt That Tastes So Bad But Whatever One
The best is The One That You Smoke Because You’re Alone At A Bar And Hoping Someone Attractive Will Proposition You With Sex Or At Least Dinner. It can be confused with the Pensive Cigarette but any appearance of cortical thought is entirely feigned because you’re really just thinking about how you want to get laid.
My new favorite is The Swisher Sweet Butt that Some Fat Cat Left Burning at the Train Station. Whatever works.